Breathe Me
by balletismyobsession
Summary: Support fic. Contains cutting triggers, but only in thought.


**Written for Flobouille93. Please don't ever feel like you're worthless. You are worth so much more that the words of people who don't matter. You do matter and you are beautiful in every way.**

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><p>Kurt was so tired. He'd been aching inside for so long, with no one to turn to. No one would ever know though. He never let his emotions show and never wanted anyone to know how much he hurt inside. How much he hurt. It hurt a lot. Every whispered word, every hissed insult, every painful glare, every 'accidental' shove. It all hurt. He didn't know who to turn to. He wanted so badly to be able to share his pain with someone, to let it out before it tortured him from the inside out. Every day was a struggle. A struggle to remain calm and collected. A struggle to laugh and smile around his friends, who didn't suspect a thing. A struggle not to break down and cry. A struggle to stay sane.<p>

He wanted to. He didn't know how else to make this pain go away. He was gay. So what? It shouldn't matter. But it did. He held the sharp point of the kitchen knife against his skin. He imagined what it would look like. The ruby red blood as it spilled across the thin, pale skin of his wrist. It wouldn't even hurt. He couldn't feel hurt anymore. If he could do this, the pain would go away.

_Help, I have done it again__  
><em>_I have been here many times before__  
><em>_Hurt myself again today__  
><em>_And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

The knife was shaking in his grasp. He couldn't do this. He squeezed his eyes closed. Brought the knife closer. He had to do this. He felt the coldness of the metal and realized his hands were shaking too. There was no one here to stop him. He was alone. So why was the knife still clutched in his palm? Why was his skin still unmarred and whole?

He jumped as his cell phone rang, seeming to pierce the air with sound, with life. He silenced the cherry tone of 'Teenage Dream' and pressed the phone to his ear, not saying a word.

"Hey, Kurt, I have some free time this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted to-" Blaine stopped talking as sobs began to echo in his ear. "Oh god. Kurt? Kurt, what's wrong?"

The sobs tore from his chest and he couldn't control the words he was saying. "Blaine… Blaine, I… I can't… I can't do this…"

"Kurt, listen to me. Are you at home?" The concern and almost panic was evident.

He was barely able to tell him yes before Blaine was talking again. "Stay with me Kurt. I'm coming. Don't move, okay? I'll be right there. Stay on the line with me."

Kurt did. He held the phone against his ear as if he would die without that contact. He mainly listened. He let Blaine do the talking as he tried to distract him. But the knife still stared up at him, very real and very capable of hurting him.

He tore his eyes away, letting the knife fall from his grasp and clatter to the floor, where he was kneeling and shaking, every fiber of his being holding on to the words being uttered in his ear. He really didn't know what Blaine was saying as it was sort of fuzzy now. He thought Blaine must have put the phone on speaker as he was driving. But it didn't matter that he couldn't understand him. What mattered is that he was there.

Kurt was glad he'd left the front door unlocked. He didn't know if he would have been able to get up and let him in. But Blaine's footsteps pounded on the stairs and his door was flung open and only then, when Kurt saw Blaine's face did he let his cell phone fall from his hand. Blaine's face. It didn't matter that Kurt had never seen him looking so terrified. It didn't matter when Blaine's eyes widened as they saw the knife on the ground and then immediately scan his body for blood. It mattered that Blaine dropped to his knees and held Kurt so tightly he thought he might never let go. And Kurt was shaking and sobbing into Blaine's chest and he just held him, stroking his hair and making sure that Kurt knew he was there.

_Be my friend__  
><em>_Hold me, wrap me up__  
><em>_Unfold me__  
><em>_I am small__  
><em>_I'm needy__  
><em>_Warm me up__  
><em>_And breathe me__  
><em>

Kurt held onto Blaine as tightly as he could. When his sobs began to subside, Blaine pulled away and moved his hands up to gently cup Kurt's face, staring into his red-ringed gaze with worried eyes.

"Kurt," he whispered. "Oh, god. Kurt, what are you doing?"

Kurt closed his eyes and a soft cry fell from his lips. "I can't take it anymore," he answered in a barely-audible whisper.

Blaine's eyes flickered to the knife again. "Kurt, were you going to cut yourself?" He fought to keep his voice steady.

He nodded, letting his head fall down, ashamed.

"Oh, Kurt. Why? Why would you ever think that?"

"Because… because it hurts, Blaine. It hurts so much and if I think about having to go to that school for just one more day… I can't do this anymore."

_Ouch I have lost myself again__  
><em>_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,__  
><em>_Yeah I think that I might break__  
><em>_I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe__  
><em>

Blaine kept his gaze fixed on Kurt's, never wavering. "I don't know what's going on, but please, _please _don't ever hurt yourself. You don't… you don't know what you mean to me and it would kill me inside if you hurt yourself. You are worth so much more than that, do you hear me? So much more. You're special, Kurt and I'm so proud that you're my friend and I'm so proud of you. Whatever happened, hurting yourself is not going to change anything-"

"It'll make it stop hurting." Kurt whispered. The look of utter pain that shattered Blaine's face almost made Kurt wish he hadn't said that. He didn't want to make Blaine hurt too.

Tears rolled down Blaine's cheeks. "Kurt…" He swallowed hard, holding Kurt's face still in his hands and stroking his thumbs lightly against his cheekbones. "You are perfect. No matter what anyone tells you. You are perfect and amazing and beautiful and so strong and nothing is ever going to take that away from you. I'll always be here for you. Always. And I need you, Kurt. I need _you._"

Kurt felt himself breaking down again. He slumped in Blaine's grasp, letting his words rush over and over again in his mind. Blaine thought he was special, perfect, beautiful. Blaine needed him. He let the tears fall and held him tightly, not knowing how much he needed to hear those words.

_Be my friend__  
><em>_Hold me, wrap me up__  
><em>_Unfold me__  
><em>_I am small__  
><em>_I'm needy__  
><em>_Warm me up__  
><em>_And breathe me__  
><em>

Kurt knew then that he wouldn't do anything harmful to himself. He'd been feeling lost and utterly alone and in so much pain. But it had taken one perfectly timed call and the comforting arms of a friend to remind him that things could get better. He had to know that things could get better. Blaine was here, Blaine cared about him, he could talk to Blaine and feel _alive. _Unknowingly, Blaine had saved him from himself. Blaine had saved him. And Kurt felt small and invisible and let himself cry in those strong arms that saved him. In the arms of a friend, he could heal. He could be strong. He could show the world that love is just a feeling. Being who he is was not a bad thing. There was nothing wrong with being gay. Being judged by a society that lets it happen as if that itself is normal? That was what was wrong.

It was going to take time. But he could be okay.

He could be okay.

_Be my friend__  
><em>_Hold me, wrap me up__  
><em>_Unfold me__  
><em>_I am small__  
><em>_I'm needy__  
><em>_Warm me up__  
><em>_And breathe me_

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><p><em><em>**Song: Breathe Me by Sia**


End file.
